Today is not a good day!! When things like this happen, I try really hard to look back and see what may have triggered it. This one is easy. I retold the entire story to someone about the EX and I haven't done that ever. Everybody who knows me has known a part of the story so I never had to go from the beginning. This guy knew nothing except that I've broken up with my EX. He knew no details or the ins and outs of what happened. He now does but it is odd that even while I was telling him the story I omitted parts that I felt would make the EX look bad like the porn (and other things that I haven't mentioned on this Blog yet). I realized that I'm doing that in order to protect him but why should I care. He is the one the humiliated me, made me look like a fool in front of many people and I'm certain that others will come out of the word-work this year to say things they knew.
All this to say, the tears are back in full force. It doesn't help that while driving in my car I heard "Careless Whispers", "I Will Always Love You" and Sarah's "Full Of Grace". To say I'm an emotional wreak is more then accurate and I'll I want to do is yell out---WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!
The GODS are trying to say something to me but I really don't know what they want. To torture me, make me cave and get in contact with him, to reach out to him, to stay in this horrendous misery because I don't deserve any happiness--WHAT??--someone just tell me fucking what and I'll do it--just to get over this pain and heartache.
I wonder when all this sadness and hurt will stop because I just don't want it any more. The joke is over--seriously--I don't want to do this anymore.
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