It has been 7 full days that I have not tried to contact the EX in any way. Whether it be via email, phone, written note or in person--NOTHING!!! Some of you may think--what is the big deal? The big deal is that after 3 years of speaking to him everyday this is the longest that I have no idea how he is doing--which is very frightening and yet needed for me to start thinking more of me then him. I still think about him (literally every minute he enters my mind--consciously or subsconsciously) and even (at times) obsess about him way way way too much but not getting in touch with him is a step in the right direction. Now, if only my head and my heart can start moving forward a little quicker too.
This also doesn't mean that I don't check the mailbox several times a day in hopes to have a letter from him or that I say a quick please when I check my phone messages or really really hope that he's sitting on the stairs when I get home from the gym or school. I do know better but I cling to hope that he'll contact me someday just to talk---seriously--just to talk--that is all I want. Talk about not what he did and why but how's he is doing and how I'm doing and life in general. There's so much that I know that would love to know about---everyday things about people that he knows. However, I can't control that and perhaps that is the most frustrating thing I need to come to terms with---that it is up to him and I can't!!! However, I do feel that he never really cared or really loved me because if he did--he would want to see if I'm OK and how I'm doing.
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