Hold The Press, Stop The News...The Secret Is Safe Between Me and You

I had en epiphany yesterday. I went to see a the movie "Definitely, Maybe" and it made me realized that things aren't meant to end the way you think they will. The thing with the EX is that we can't get back together because it will never be the same and I can't trust him to be faithful and to love me the way that I need and want to be loved. It is just that when I look at the picture that I posted before this posting, I look and see mostly the good times and I forget the many conversations in bed about us breaking up and the absolutely miserable last 5 months of our relationship that I tried to figure out the problem but I wasn't playing with all the pieces of the puzzle and therefore didn't know what the problem was. I was ready to walk away from the relationship back then but I didn't because he didn't want to end it. I should of but I know I didn't because I wouldn't of found out the truth of all the horrible things he did to me through out the relationship.

What I'm muttering through is that things shouldn't of ended the way they did. That wasn't a part of the plan. All break ups can claim that but I really feel that---it shouldn't of ended this way and things didn't have to end the way they did. THat doesn't mean that the relationship shouldn't of ended---maybe and clearly it should of but not in the way it did. Also, things at the moment don't need to be like this for us but HE is deciding all of this and I have no choice but to deal with it. Things can be easier for the both of us--I know that and the healing will never be complete for me if things remain the same. I will be in other relationships in the future but I will think back of how things could of been and should of been. That doesn't mean that I want him back but out of respect of what we had these last 3 years--things should be better now then what they are. I'll always carry scars from this relationship but these scars will help me not make the same mistakes in my future relationships as I did with my last one.