I saw the EX at the gym. I had to go at a different time and location as it is my nephew's birthday and my family were all getting together for supper. I went early as to avoid seeing him but as soon as I pulled in the parking lot and notice the work van that he borrowed to get to the gym ---my hands and needs starting shaking. I debated to leave but I was pressed for time and I thought I could handle it and I did a pretty good job. I'm not 100% certain he saw me but I'm thinking he did. There was no nod of hello or words spoken but I just wanted to go over and hug him. I wanted to say nothing but just give him a hug to say---I'm here when you are ready. He was working out with a guy and I'm assuming their training together. Perhaps he's thinking of competing in a bodybuilding competition soon. I really hope he does as it is something that he's wanted to do for a long time now. I just wish I could be there to support him and help him out during those hard times during his diet. I'm crying now just because I won't see him strive for something that he's always wanted to do. All I ever wanted for him was to be the best he can and be there to support and encourage him in all that he does and tries.
He looked good as he always does and he did pushed himself during his workout and yes---I worried about his back I noticed that we do look-a-like with the shaved head and thick beard. We were a good looking couple and I smile at the thought that it has been one month and 17 days that we've seen one another and we have the same look at the moment.
I just wanted to hug him---that is all.
To add on to my difficulties today---the new guy is dealing with massive crap at his job and the possibility of moving to a different city---a pretty HUGE possibility. I'm just wondering if this is a good time for him and more importantly I to try to build something? Long distance relationships have never bothered me as long that I feel that the other person is putting the same amount of effort or more then I am to the relationship--- I can handle it. However, there's so much uncertainty and unknown about his job future that I think---maybe he needs to concentrate on that right now and we'll see what happens in the future for us. It has NOTHING to do him and (for the moment) everything is great and I have NO red flags up. I will bring it up with him this weekend when I go visit him. I just wonder if I should just go with the flow or perhaps end it in fear of investing too much of myself and ending up hurt and disappointed. I can't go through that again because I don't know how well I will come out of it---having gone and still going through it once.
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