Don't Tell Me Cause It Hurts

I'm off for the summer and well...I am looking forward to it but with that comes some time to reflect and I need that like I need a kick in the head.

I've decided to stop things that I don't really want to start, continue things that I like and want to pursue things that make me curious. I am going to be honest open and will try to spare people of their feelings as much as I can but my feelings are more important as I need to be happy. I vow to do things that make me uncomfortable and make me grow. I will do things that I want to do and not over think it. Also, suffer the consequences (hopefully all good) to my actions and try to forgive as I will never forget but forgive I can do.

Mainly, let go---just stop.

Presque Fini

'In my mind
Ive got it all figured out
But the head
Does not always rule the heart
And I try to place him
Out of body and soul
Just when I thought Id made it
His images start taking their toll
On me
I feel his memory haunting me
Time and Again
I feel weak because

[Chorus]
Every time I see your picture I cry
And I try to get over you
One more time because
Every time I see your picture I cry
Oh I cry

There you rest inside the walls
Of a flame
Hurts so bad
I can almost feel your eyes
Calling out my name and so
Out of body and soul
Youre everywhere I go
Illusion or reality I dont know
I feel your memory haunting me
Time and again
I feel weak because

Uncut

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Changing?

I went to see Sex in the City the other day with a friend and the old ME of last year would of loved it. This ME doesn't believe that after 5 months of not seeing one another and just lying on the floor of a closet makes everything better. It just doesn't work that way. Things don't get better like that. People don't just walk on a bridge and never look back. You cannot not look back.

I find it sad that I am this way as I so want the "Pretty Woman" fantasy but you live through things and they become a part of you and make you who you are. That doesn't mean that I'll stop believing in it but it will just be harder to find that one person. Not settling--like Samantha did--and thinking of your needs and wants is the key. Selfish--yes but who else can take care of you?

We All Wish

Find more videos like this on GAY PARADISE.COM

It's Not Possible

Don't think I can't feel that there's something wrong
You've been the sweetest part of my life so long
I look in your eyes, there's a distant light
And you and I know there'll be a storm tonight
This is getting serious
Are you thinking 'bout you or us

(Refrain)
Don't say what you're about to say
Look back before you leave my life
Be sure before you close that door
Before you roll those dice
Baby think twice

Baby think twice for the sake of our love, for the memory
For the fire and the faith that was you and me
Baby I know it ain't easy when your soul cries out for higher ground
'Coz when you're halfway up, you're always halfway down
But baby this is serious
Are you thinking 'bout you or us

(Refrain)

(breakdown)
Baby this is serious
Are you thinking 'bout you or us

Don't say what you're about to say
Look back before you leave my life
Be sure before you close that door
Before you roll those dice

Don't do what you're about to do
My everything depends on you
And whatever it takes, I'll sacrifice
Before you roll those dice
Baby think twice

Est-ce que tu te rappelles ?

I am trying to really hard this week to let it all go. To just STOP!!!! I was told recently that "This too shall pass". This isn't indigestion or a cold or an STD---this is life. It will never "just pass" because it has to be dealt with. Once it is dealt with--truly dealt with--only then--can you move on fully and completely. Until that, enjoy your boat ride in that big river in Egypt.

Just Dance

My new favourite song of the moment

Grunting

Find more videos like this on Men Of Eros

Smile

A friend of mine has always said that if you post naked pictures of yourself on the net then you deserve for me to see them. I am therefore indulging him. I have never understood why people would post naked pictures of themselves on the net. However, all these guys are people that I have met and some talked with. Interesting to see them again once you've seen them naked.

Arrest Me For This!!!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Quickly I Am Learning

It's Art

The EX emailed me yesterday and asked me not to mention him in my blog. The email was not mean or spiteful but he just didn't want certain people knowing things about his life. I emailed him back saying: "As for my Blog, I will not censor myself for you."

I never really gave it that much thought whether or not he did know that I had a Blog but I didn't really care one way or another. I had this huge emailed typed up for him but after speaking to a friend about it and reading her the email, I decided against it and it brought up many issues. Therefore, I sent him that one line email and left it at that.

There are many things that I leave out about the EX--like his name, details about what he did during our relationship, the things from his past in the city he lived in before this one, stuff from when he was a teenager back in his hometown---I won't mention these and other things as there is no reason to write about them because this blog isn't about him---it is about me. Egocentric---yes but an outlet to help me out---not him.

I'll Survive Somehow

I had a date Saturday night and let's just put it this way---he showed up wearing a Superman t-shirt!!! The EX was a huge fan of Superman--he even has a tattoo of the symbol. Really nice guy but not for me. As soon as I saw him, I chuckled to myself. He was too talkative---if that is possible for me. Nevertheless, it was a good time but not my type at all.

I went out that night with a friend and I ran into a guy that didn't know that the EX and I had broken up and I was more then fine to tell him. It didn't upset me and or anything like that at all. This guy had always been interested in me and he is a good looking guy and I would give him a chance but I can't for two reasons. First one being that it is too easy. I know that sounds really weird or a tad conceded but it is. The chase isn't there and he would treat me really well and would be great for me but it isn't there for. Number two---is Ernie. I have been thinking about him a lot lately and why I'm hesitant not to persue things with him. I realized last night that one reason is that I'm afraid to forget about things that I have to done with or shared with the EX. I also realize that Ernie won't do that---time will. The other thing I realized is that I'm just scared of being hurt so quivkly after being devasted. Plus, my love for the EX is till there.

However, this won't prevent me to continue to get to know him and see what happens.





I learned from the past
Not everything lasts
I understand that now
Everything changed
When you walked away
But I'll survive somehow
Though I have regrets
I'll learn to forget
And just keep moving on
Cause when love is gone
You have to be strong
Once touched by pain
You're not the same
But time can heal
Your heart again
So let the clouds
That bring you down
Just fade away
Away

So I try to smile
But after a while
The memories come back
But I won't give in
Cause I know that then
My heart will fade to black

And this time I learned
That love can burn
There's no right or wrong

I've got to be strong

Once touched by pain
You're not the same
But time can heal
Your heart again
So let the clouds
That bring you down
Just fade away
Away

I know that one day I'll find that feeling again
But until I do I'll do fine by myself

Once touched by pain
You're not the same
But time can heal
Your heart again
So let the clouds
That bring you down
You know that

Once touched by pain
You're not the same
But time can heal
Your heart again
So let the clouds
That bring you down
So let the clouds
That bring you down
Just fade away
Away