Today has not been a good day and I figured that because as soon as the alarm went on this morning I heard Celine's version of "The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face". I shut the alarm and went on with my day. The thing is that my friends in London are gone to Toronto for a party this weekend and I was invited but I didn't want to go because I still need a safety net when I'm in Toronto. I cannot risk the chance of being blind-sided by someone saying something about the ex and having no one to turn to. My friends from London are good but I need a best friend there who knows what to say and just a look would help. It may a little childish but I'm not strong enough at this moment.
Ever since work ended today was an exercise of self control and not giving in to the tears that are constantly welled up in my eyes. I was pretty good all night until doing an hour of cardio tonight. The tears came and came and came. It wasn't busy at the gym but I didn't care who saw. It was semi-theraputic. I kept moving along as I wiped them away the entire time.
I just feel......sad.
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