Last night as I was leaving the gym, I ran into the EX. It was exactly 8 weeks since I had last seen him. I literally chuckled to myself when I saw him coming through the front doors. Immediately my knees and hands started shaking. There was even a moment when I thought we would just walk by one another with only a simple Hi between us but we both stopped to talk. We mainly talked about him getting ready for the bodybuilding competition at the end of April (he didn't seem surprised that I knew about it). He said that he was completely miserable because of the diet and not eating carbs. I knew that that would be the hardest thing for him as he has never had to diet or limit himself in any form when it came to his eating. He's been on the diet for two weeks only eating basically chicken and fish. He mentioned that he had to lose another 15 pounds to get down to his weight category. He still had 7 weeks to go and that would mean 2 pounds a week. The gym was closing in about 35 minutes and he had 30 minutes of cardio to do so he had to get going. I said to him that it would be good if we could communicate a little more between us in order for us to become more comfortable and he showed me that this legs were also shaking. He put his head down a lot and I thought he was about to cry even and I told him that my intention was not to upset him. I told him that I was going to hug him and I did. As we hugged I said to him--I think about you everyday---he said--ME too. That was it. I left and didn't look back.
As I walked out of the gym, I kept saying to myself---I'm OK...I'm OK...I'm OK and I was. I got into the car and started it and notice that that one car was stuck in the snow. I grabbed my mittens and helped push him out of the snow. I got back into the car and started driving, put the radio on and (you know where this is heading) my favourite song of the moment was playing. One that I posted just a few days ago---no joke. This happens to me all the time. "Bleeding Love" is still considered new but to me I've known about it since it reached #1 in the U.K. As soon as it started, the tears came in full force. I wasn't sobbing but crying silent tears. I'm just so SAD of what has come between us and what has happened. Where did it all go wrong because when we started I believe that both of us did not want all that has happened between us to have happened. That is why I cry---for what should of happened but didn't.
Us meeting did throw me off and even this morning, I was crying as I listened to my Ipod shoveling the snow and running around in the car doing errands. I did email him saying it was great to talk to him and if he wanted to meet up for breakfast or any other time to contact me. I didn't expect to hear from him and I haven't.
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