I'm Here Without You

I notice this weekend that with the nice weather that I miss the EX.  A friend of mine asked me if I miss the EX or the company of someone.  Even now I can't really answer that.  The EX was always willing to just go for a ride and that is what I need this weekend.  It was comfortable with him and that is what I miss. 

I guess if anyone would of wanted to just hang out outside to get a coffee or something---I would of liked that and the thought that since the EX and I did that in the past---my thoughts automatically drift towards him.  However, with the thoughts of him, do come the thoughts or what he did behind my back and what I enabled him to do to me and to us.

Also, I am not too keen when people bring him up like asking me---Have you spoken to (EX's name here)?  When was the last time you saw him?  Oh!  I saw your EX the other day at the gym?---that literally brings up my anxiety because I feel that as long as he's in my head--he's safe and OK but once someone mentions him--he's out there and I can't see him or talk to him---which still upsets me and brings tears to my eyes because I miss him.