Petit a Petit L'oiseau Fait Son Nid

Here it is....the ex and I have been sending a few emails back and forth lately and I had said to him that perhaps we could meet when he's ready. This last Sunday, he emailed me and asked if we could meet on Tuesday and I accepted. I have been feeling pretty good about it and my anxiety and cou-couness hasn't been in over drive. I really haven't given it much thought about it but today I was pretty giddy a few times thinking about it. I did even think that he would cancel because he had changed his mind and I was OK with it but I was afraid that he would never do it. However, he did not cancel and we did meet.

When we met I gave him a big hug and felt him shaking. We got into the car and we started talking about family, work and things of that nature. We went to Starbucks and he talked to me about how he was feeling. He spoke and I listened. He has never spoken to me this much ever at one sitting without me talking. I sat and listened to him and I loved it. He was telling me how he felt and what he had been through and I said nothing but just listened. Of course there were tears shed on both our parts but nothing too dramatic---mostly things about memories of the past and the mistakes made.

We came back to the house he expresses that he felt as though he was in a dream. Bebe didn't bark once when he came in the house---very odd as she barks at everyone but nothing with him. We talked about a few other things and we did hug some more and just stayed there for a long period of time. I told him that I'm not angry or mad anymore--which I am not. I told him that I know he would take it all back if he could and he cried and agreed. I did tell him that now between us is the easy part and he agreed. The hard part is yet to come. I drove him home and no plans were made to see each other again but we will.

I'm feeling Ok. I really am. He took a big leap today and that was good. For me, it was what I expected. No more or less and it was positive. We both know that this will take time and we both know that the future is still unclear. I feel fine with things and know that if this is going to happen---it will. If it doesn't happen--it won't. Forgiveness is the key here and I'm not ready to do that yet--much much more needs to happen before I can even entertain the idea. Forgetting will be impossible--for both of us.

I still smell him on me in my hands and that makes me smile.